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Sex & Intimacy / That’s the Power of Love
“Sex sells,” goes the saying. And that’s true, because sex consumes our thoughts, affects our behaviors, and can bring us either tremendous joy and intimacy, or incredible shame and heartache.
Sex has this pull on us because it’s intrinsic to our nature. God created us sexual beings, male and female – and according to his design, the marriage between a man and woman is the appropriate context in which to lovingly express and enjoy sexual intimacy.
But unfortunately, something that should be so intuitive and natural isn’t always so. When communication misfires or conflicts occur, sex can push couples further apart than draw them closer together. Issues such as differing desire levels or frequency expectations may prevent your needs from being met and leave you grappling with frustration, disappointment, or feelings of rejection. Perhaps your sex life seems mechanical, boring, or even hurried, and you wonder if it’s possible to turn around what’s become routine into something mutually satisfying and exciting. What’s permissible – and what’s off-limits – in the bedroom, and what boundaries you should set with your spouse? Is the use of erotica, pornography, or the practice of masturbation ever okay? And how can you and your spouse safeguard your marriage by controlling lust and sexual temptation as you live out your covenant in this in-your-face, sex-saturated culture?
Our fallen nature – and a broken world – impact all aspects of life, including our love life. But the good news is, God’s in the restoration business, and he really cares about the health of your sex life. With his help and healing, and the wise counsel in the following articles, you can learn to experience God-honoring and truly fulfilling sexual intimacy.
Pre-Marriage
Perhaps you’ve met The One, and you’re already plotting the perfect wedding. But before you get preoccupied with picking out the flowers or saying “yes” to the dress, hit the pause button for a second. Consider this: While creating a memorable wedding day is incredibly exciting (and, let’s face it, stressful!), creating the basis for a marriage that thrives after the ceremony’s over and the party’s packed up is even more crucial.
You can start now, before you take those vows. Perhaps meet with a marriage mentor who can guide you in setting the proper foundation for a marriage that stands the test of time and the gale-force strength of trials. Don’t skip premarital counseling that can uncover all those unrealistic expectations and the messy baggage you both haul into your relationship – and provide wise words on how you can work through potential issues before they mushroom into major concerns.
Perhaps you’re still waiting for Mr. or Miss Right, currently living with someone, recovering from a bad breakup, or gunshy about re-entering the dating world after a failed first marriage. Whether you’re dating or waiting, you can make positive changes within yourself now that will set the stage for a successful marriage later. Maybe it’s adjusting your “list” of what’s really desirable in a potential mate, setting sexual and emotional boundaries to safeguard your heart, or learning to dispell the many myths our culture perpetuates about sex, romance, and true love. No matter what the current state of your love life, the following articles can help.
Newly Married
The Honeymoon’s Over — Now What?
The thank-you notes are written, the spendy photo album’s stowed in the nightstand, and your wedding presents are collecting dust in a guest-bedroom closet. You’ve been married a few months now, or maybe a few years, and people still call you “newlyweds.”
You feel like honeymooners when you’re caught up in marital bliss — so many firsts to savor together! But the honeymoon’s over (and real life’s begun) when your “thrills” start getting overridden by some inevitable “chills”: The man of your dreams snores, or leaves the toilet seat up, or forgets to bring you coffee in bed. The woman of your dreams suddenly becomes a little naggy, or seems overly sensitive, or expects you to iron your own shirts! Add to this mix financial demands — student loans or an unexpected pregnancy – and emotional stresses – How do we handle the holidays with the in-laws? What routines should we follow? Suddenly wedded bliss feels more like wedded blah — or worse.
These early years in your marriage are the perfect time to learn how to deal constructively with the fallout of those unexpected disappointments and dashed expectations. It’s all part of the adjustment phase of marriage, and God’s in the thick of it with you and for you. He wants your marriage to thrive, and he’ll guide you in the process. Along with seeking his wisdom, use the following articles to navigate the joys and the challenges of this adventure called marriage. Enjoy the ride!
Marriage Help / Love Hurts
There’s a well-known Roy Orbison song called “Love Hurts” that kicks off with these words: “Love hurts/love’s scars, love wounds and mars.”
While singer Roy Orbison was no marriage guru, his lyrics hit home. You feel pain when someone you love betrays or injures you. Certain actions or attitudes – unfaithfulness, selfishness, addiction — can wreak emotional and even physical wounds on a relationship that’s supposed to make you feel happy and safe. And when those wounds come from the person with whom you’ve joined yourself, heart and soul, in a covenant before God, the knife twists–and the pain increases.
The truth is, sometimes love hurts because we’re fallen creatures living in a fallen world. This broken world often hands us unwelcome trials – a job loss, a miscarriage, a chronic illness, a child with special needs. But sometimes our own needy nature causes us to inflict pain on our spouse by succumbing to volcanic anger, abuse, or an addiction (pornography, alcohol, even television). Whether it’s done unwittingly or intentionally, we damage our marriage when we go MIA emotionally, fight, or react to conflict in passive-aggressive or narcissistic ways instead of ways that honor God and resolve problems.
When your spouse hurts you, your marriage is hurt. And when your marriage is hurt, you hurt. It’s as simple and as circular as that, like the wedding band you wear. But God can provide hope, help, and healing. Check out the following articles to help you when love hurts — and your marriage feels the pain.
Spiritual Discovery
When tough times arrive in your marriage—whether due to job loss, health crisis, pornography use, or simply baggage you both carry into your union—there’s nothing like the comfort of knowing that when you’re joined in faith in Christ, you can seek God together to see you through. The added bonus of prayer for and with each other is one of God’s great gifts. But perhaps you and your spouse aren’t on the same page spiritually—you’re more interested in growth, while your mate is comfortably complacent. Or perhaps you are the sole Christ-follower in your marriage. Whether your relationship is built around a common faith you seek to live out daily and share with others, or you’re the only believer in your family, there’s so much God longs to offer you. Your spiritual walk is a journey of discovery, in which you seek God through prayer, Bible study, evangelism, and fellowship with other believers. The following articles will guide and encourage you in the process of this discovery—whether you do it on your own, with a spouse at a differing stage of spiritual maturity, or joined hand-in-hand with your mate, eager to grow together and bring the good news to those you encounter in your everyday lives.
Married Life / Marriage in the Real World
Whether you’ve been married five years or fifty, you know life with your spouse is filled with its share of magic (when your relationship’s firing on all cylinders) and laugh-outloud moments — as well as those moments of outright miscommunication and downright conflict. Perhaps your needs for intimacy no longer match those of your partner, and you’re battling frustration or discouragement. Perhaps your relationship suddenly seems one-sided, or has become sidetracked by something as seemingly innocuous as fascination with social media or by pressing parenting problems, job changes, or even health concerns. Then there’s that little thing called “romance.” Yes, romance is the icing on your marriage cake, but let’s face it, life often isn’t very romantic. The act of continually knitting together the busy lives of two imperfect people into a healthy Christian marriage can be a daunting task requiring loads of hard work, creativity, and reliance on God.
Anyone who’s been married for any length of time can relate to the challenges that crop up whenever you seek to build a more positive, joyful, and God-honoring union. That’s married life in the real world. The following articles will help you celebrate the unique life you share with your spouse in all its wonder — for it can be wonderful! — as well as guide you in your desire to up your love, better serve each other, and bridge the gap between differing needs – physical and emotional – and communication styles, so your marriage can stand the test of time.
